While a classic pickup line can backfire on Tinder, reverting to a simple and polite “hello” can also fall flat. Tinder is like a crowded bar found on your phone, through an app. Most people, particularly the better catches, receive many matches and to be successful one needs to stand out. Physical appearance and great photos can attract and make a difference, but to have a good connection you’ll need more than an attractive face or body. Tinder is a time to showcase the best parts of yourself in a succinct way. A good conversation starter can lead to fun ‘getting to know you’ banter, which can then set be a start to a fun date.

1. Read Their Profile: There are times it’s appropriate to swipe based on a photo alone, however, if someone is a real standout, read their profile before sending a message. Look for information that reveals their interest, hobbies, or sense of humor. Making a comment about something in their profile will prove you took the time to read it and that you have some interest in getting to know them beyond photos alone.

2. Commonalities: According to their profile, do they love cooking Mediterranean food and underwater deep sea diving just like you? Maybe your tastes and interests aren’t that diverse or eclectic, but if you both love movies, go ahead and mention the last film you saw or one you want to see. If you both enjoy yoga or are ‘foodies’, share a little about your last time participating in those activities and ask about their experience.

3. Avoid Open-Ended Questions Only: Generally, people are receiving a percentage of messages that just say “hello” without a lot of substance. It can be boring and time-consuming to respond to bland “hello’s”, as it puts the pressure on your match to make the conversation interesting. So, if you’re going to ask a question to a Tinder match, share something about yourself as well. If you ask what they are up to, be a good conversationalist and also share what you are up to. A question alone will get significantly fewer replies.

4. A Compliment, A Question, A Fact: Focusing only on the physical will give your match a red flag about what you’re looking for. Even if you find them really physically appealing and want a short term relationship or dating, saying more of substance will draw attention to your message. Don’t compliment their body in an outright way. Physical compliments are best done in person, such as, “You look great/ beautiful/ handsome tonight”. Try focusing on one stand out physical characteristic like the color of their eyes or their sharp style (Guys: don’t talk ‘breasts’ or anything too objectifying in that first message. Women: If a guy is in a great shape, talk about what he does to keep so fit, rather than only his muscles). And a compliment doesn’t have to be physical! You might be impressed by their attitude, belief system, or another aspect of their profile. Compliments feel good to be on the receiving end of. Add a question about their career or interests. Facts are giving them additional information about yourself that isn’t in your profile. The triage of the 3 is a standout initial message!

5. Don’t Be Longwinded: No one wants to read an essay from a stranger. Since Tinder is kind of like texting, think of each message as a brief ‘get to know you’ to help decide if you’re compatible enough for a date. Some choose to exchange phone numbers quickly (to avoid an accidental un-match error, etc.) but others wait to see if they like the person in person, to protect privacy.

6. Fun, Fun, Fun: What’s the most recent fun thing you did? Any vacations, a wine tasting, or a new hot spot restaurant you’ve been to? Think of a stand out activity and mention how much fun you had. This will showcase your lifestyle, how you have fun, and pave the way for you to invite them to a similarly fun activity (though, needless to say, avoid holiday getaway for the first date!).

7. Politics & Religion: In life, etiquette has it that these are to be avoided, but if your profiles both show you have strong similarities (politically or spiritually- i.e, both strong Christians, Catholics, Buddhists, or love/ hate one political party or politician) mention it. While Tinder is not the time to get into a political debate, if you have a lot in common in either of those areas, let them know!

IF YOU’VE HAD SUCCESS USING OTHER METHODS, WE’D LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT IT! Leave a comment on our blog or Facebook post.

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